we have not yet been in our new house a month (well, perhaps technically we have, but not totally. and not before the weekend.) and my in-laws have already stayed the night. you can probably imagine how pissed off i was. saturday morning yoshi called his mother (because hiro wanted to. okay.) and she had the bright idea of staying over. you see, my father-in-law had an all day meeting on sunday, so oh, wouldn't it be great if they came up on saturday night and stayed with us. um, no. i guess i'm the only one who thinks this is incredibly rude. or even just a little. the house is still a wreck! I HAVE TWO SMALL CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF, not to mention a filthy rental house to clean, odds and ends to move from filthy house to new house, no where to put stuff and a husband who's gone more than twelve hours a day during the week.
i am still not pleased.
the worst thing is feeling like a jerk because i don't want my selfish mother-in-law around. and i certainly don't want her to see my messy house. how can she not think of this herself? and why, for the love of god, can my husband not tell her it's not a good idea? fuck. such a bad weekend.
April 24, 2024
12 hours ago
9 comments:
Oh no! Well, if you know it's gonna be bad from the get go, then you can pre set your expectations for the weekend at zero or below! Ugh. Do you have to deal with MIL a lot when she is there? Can you let her entertain kids while you just go about your business? Maybe send her out on an errand? Have DH take her out for lunch/dinner/the day under the pretext that the house is simply too messy for you to be able to cook properly for her?
If she isn't a gun ho, here-let-me-do-that-for-you type I have no idea what she is thinking inviting herself over--unless she is like my mother and craves drama. . . my SIL is still pissed off at my mother for turning up while they were PAINTING the interior of their new house!
Here's hoping that the weekend raises above your expectations!
Never feel like a jerk because you don't want your MIL around.Perfectly normal reaction in my books;-)
I agree with the other commenters .... I would be annoyed too! But maybe take advantage of her being there if it is her thing to help out or not! Just delegate like you think she would say yes! hehe Maybe then she will not invite herself over again :D
Maybe the husband can be appropriately punished (for e.g by unpacking and cleaning up the upstairs, and cooking dinner for the next week? ;-)
Hope your MIL helped out when she was there!
thanks for the comments.
it was hell. as if my MIL were any use. she didn't help. but that's ok because i'm so anal i don't want other people going through my stuff. and DH is not allowed to unpack my things/the kids things, either, otherwise he'll just throw it away! she said she wanted to spend time with hiro so my husband took them out for most of the day. but the day was still wasted because i didn't get anything done.
when my in-laws visit, i usually just say i'm tired (from pregnancy or breastfeeding) and avoid them as much as possible. i'm probably just a jerk, but there you are.
OH MY GOODNESS- I don't know why I had thought you had already moved in and were unpacking. We are in very similar situations currently. FIL and MIL offred to come and help and unpack I said OK- based on the fact I thought FIL will come- he is capable of getting things done. But after I said okay but only after a few days after moving in (I can't allow them in the first night- too stressful) he decides that only MIL will come. I don't think he nor his son realize how opposite of unhelpful she can be- it is like having to take care of another person.
I agree with CGG- lower the expectations. I hope that gets me through it or pleasantly surprises.
Have already refused her assistance for when DS2 is born. Better to be alone then to worry about her, a toddler, a baby and have the stress of "keeping house" because she is there and not helping with the kids.
Hope you've recovered!
For me, I think Marianne really hit the nail on the head here! I got one heck of a MIL myself, so I can relate! Seriously though, don't feel badly about not wanting your MIL around at all!
And also Illahee much like your situation a bit, I moved a year ago with a 6 month old Noah, last year and a then 4 year old B. And I can tell ya for me. I had a hard as hell time. Hard for me to clean our old shitty rental with 2 small wide awake kids. OM that sucked! The grime that was behind my washer and dryer area, geeze! And I thought my house was spic and span! I had grime I didn't even know I had...amazing when you move the furniture you know? LOL! Moving to our new house last year. I was tired from from the 2 kids and plus with unpacking,lucky for me, we hired them to pack our stuff up though so it helped. It was like I could never get done! And same as you (it must be a Japanese MIL thing or what, lol), yup my mil visited us last year too, I think 3 weeks after we moved here? I say it's just to be nosy but my DH says it's because she came to help, err what she helped us with, I really don't know. Did she help me unpack? Did she help watch the kids while I unpacked? Nope nope and nope. It was like I had a supervisor silently observing me, and following me around, but never really helping. Sigh! I hear ya Illahee, all I can say is in my little ol' personal opinion I think you're totally justified in your feelings! : )
good greif!! did she at least help you unpack a bit. well come to think of it that might be more disasterous. she could help clean the old house ?
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