Question: have you noticed any people being rude to you about your weight in Japan? My MIL is 70 yrs old and is Japanese and she is CRAZY with the weight comments. My husband always says it is a cultural thing... so wondering if you see that?
good question! thanks for asking. let's see, there's been many instances over the years. the first i really remember being offended by was my old boss. he was the head of the board of education, an old retired teacher who was about to retire from being the kyoikucho. he used to tell me that i should clean the floor (that is, sweeping and mopping the entire third floor of the town hall) because i needed exercise. or, that i should go for a walk outside on nice days, because i was fat and needed to get moving. what do you say to that? i mean, when you're an over-paid guest assistant teacher who was under-used and didn't really have anything to do and the crazy teacher at the junior high was so annoying but you didn't feel comfortable going home (though most ALTs you knew did that) so you went to the board of education because they were the one paying you? i usually just ignored him, or gave him a token laugh and pretended he was kidding (even though he wasn't.)
there were those kids at the pool once, who called me 'debu', which is a rather rude way to call someone fat in japanese. a friend of mine even told me it means 'worthless'. these kids in swimming class are screaming this at me, and the teachers didn't even say anything to them. and all the other people in the pool heard them. i was mortified. i just had to leave.
the first time i met my MIL, the family went to an onsen. i had to go with her, while yoshi went with his brother and father. afterward, when we were still in the lobby of the onsen, she said to them (all three of them, in front of me), 'everyone was staring at her because she's so FAT!' i pulled yoshi aside a bit later and said, 'people stare at me because i'm a gaijin!' i just cannot find it in me to really like her.
sometimes it hasn't been so hurtful. like the teacher's friend (a woman) who wanted to touch my breasts to see what they felt like (hey, everyone was drunk, and she wasn't rude about it. work drinking party.) or the lady who laid her head on my bosom and said i was 'kimochii, like mother.' yes, she was drunk, too, and i like her. but still.
even in this past year, i've had a few negative encounters. *sigh* once was at a BBQ. this old guy, who had been drinking, commented on how cute my daughter was, but too bad she was going to be fat like her mother. even if you're drunk, who says that?? and you may remember this post. in that post's comment section, L. wrote something that i think is very true:
My husband always notices that Japanese people ask me questions and make personal observations about me that they would NEVER, EVER make to a fellow Japanese person -- it's like, "Whoa, it's a gaijin! So the usual rules don't apply! We can ask her how old she is, how much she weighs, what her bra size is, how much she pays in rent!"
i think that is so true. yes, it's cultural, but i think the 'foreigner factor' is a major reason these questions are asked. also, most of the comments directed toward me have been from older people. i think (and i may be wrong) that older people in japan are 'entitled' to say what they want, when they want. there's a strong feeling of respecting one's elders, the whole 'kohai' and 'sempai' mentality. also, comments on my weight have overwhelmingly come from people who were drunk. from what i understand, what one says or does when drunk (in japan) is forgiven. no matter what. (except drunken driving. that's not so forgivable, if not always enforced.) all but two of the examples i've given in this post has involved drunk people. my old boss, i think he was just a jerk. and my MIL didn't want me as a DIL and was trying to get yoshi to not marry me.
one last thing: the idea that fat = unhealthy is VERY strong here. that really bothers me. i have been nothing but healthy all my life. yoshi gets sick more often than i do! i understand the health implications of being overweight, but really, i don't need people, especially people who don't know me, telling me i need to lose weight or i'll die young. ugh.
so, that's about what i experience in japan. anyone else want to comment?
8 comments:
Oh god, the `why are you so fat` thing always gets to me! I constantly get that! Although I am lucky...my bf`s family has never talked or mentioned my weight...and they always encourage me to eat more. However my male friends will tell me I am fat all the time. (While my bf never mentions it)
I am a teacher of 2.5-5 year olds and they all tell me I me I am fat (and if they ever see my stomach they yell `marshmellow!) and while the teacher I work with always tells them `Don`t say that, it is rude...do we say you are fat? no`
The biggest thing I have noticed here is that people will say to anyone `You have put on weight` where as in most western cultures would not mention it....I would never say to a friend `Hey, you got fatter!` where as it it quite common to hear Japanese people say `futotta ne...`
soooo this is why my MIL doesn't want me to go to japan with her.... ahhhh it is all so clear now.
After I gave birth to my daighter she gave me the small dessert plate and told me I needed to start loosing weight! I told her to shut up I was nursing and I will eat the whole F'ing chicken if I wanted to!
Before I got pregnant she told me I was to fat to have a baby!
Then one day after I puked from a gallbladder attack she laughed patted my tummy and told me I needed to exercise, I pushed her hand away told her to never touch me again and to worry about her own f'ing weight!
Luckily my husband finally said something to her, and she doesn't say anything any more but man for a while there I was going to KILL HER!
it is like there are no fat people in japan... And further more I am not huge! just hippy!
I really know what you mean even though I'm not really overweight, just Western sized. No matter what weight I am, my SIL ALWAYS asks if I've put on weight. Being in Japan, I always feel big but to be quite honest, I'd rather be a bit overweight (by western standards) than look like half of the malnourished women walking around here. Being healthy is much more important than taking a certain size (and let's face it, none of the Japanese sizes fit anyway!)
I'm pretty averaged size for America but I always feel colossal here. First of all I'm about 5'6 which already makes me tower over most of the other girls here, but I'm about a size 10/12 and I still feel like a cow.
I've noticed most of the comments come from older people as well. For example my friends drunk father in law when he first met was like "shes so big.." I was wearing jeans and I do have a perky.. read.. big? buttocks so usually I try to cover it with a skirt. But yah that wasnt so great.. And then there was the time my friends grandma tried to dress me in kimono and was just like "ookii!" I try to just ignore it.
My DFs family hasnt said anything! In fact they always try to get me to eat and drink so I don't feel too bad.. I always wonder if secretly they are dissapointed that I look how I do :(
BTW the comment regarding your daughter is incredibly rude and uncalled for. That got my hackles raised. And untrue as well.. my mom is a skinny stick and well.. I'm how I am.. it all depends on your genes right?? My dad is the big boned European stock and I take after him. (to my chagrin)
Anyways.. I think most of us deal with it.. and honestly I see more and more overweight Japanese every year. And I saw that usually westerners carry our weight much better.
So there :p
I've been here for almost 11 years now and I am fat! I was fat when I came over, even by North American standards, (have been almost all of my life) so when I hear about things like this it just makes me sad that people can be so rude. Just because we're foreign doesn't mean we don't care. However, I grew up with being called fat, so when I hear Japanese people saying that I'm fat (if I understand them...and I don't usually) I don't really care! Better fat than rude.
And Sara, I agree with you. When I first came over it was very rare to see a large Japanese person...now it's more common. I've even seen women or girls larger than me on occasion.
There's now a mail order catalogue (from Nissen) especially for larger sizes. There wasn't one 11 years ago.
Oh I am so sick of the "you're fat" thing here. The truth is that right now I AM fat, but even when I was fit and at my perfect weight I had comments. I get to feeling that there is no point in even trying.
My MIL has made some doozies of comments too, the worst being asking how we were going to pick my mother up from the airport, "because there's no way she's going to fit in the car." I stared her down and told her how very rude she was over that one. Luckily (??!) she is rude about everyone. I hate going to the onsen with her because she'll be poking me and pointing and saying in ringing tones "LOOK! That woman only has ONE BREAST!!!" etc. I have told her - If you can see something, so can I and you don't need to tell me about it. But it doesn't sink in, sigh...
Like everyone else I have had these sorts of remarks made to me, mostly from older people, women in particular. My MIL is also the worst. Personally, I think they have reached a point in their lives where they feel totally useless - kids are grown, DIL aren't interested in hearing their stupid outdated opinions on anything, don't understand any of the new gadgets that are out there that everyone else has, and so on. I think they make remarks like this to make themselves feel better. Lift yourself up by putting someone else down.
Also, they always assume every foreigner is American and I think somewhere they got the idea that Americans say whatever they want to anyone any time they want without any consequences.
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