i'm sorry about yesterday's short post. i wanted to write a lot, i kept thinking about it (i often think of blog posts while doing other things, usually while driving.) but i didn't have an opportunity to write until the evening, and by then i was starting to feel down. sometimes i get depressed, much like i did when i was a teen. it usually happens when i feel lonely. yoshi's drinking party set it off i guess.
i mean, i don't get to go to parties any more. i don't have any co-workers, so no enkais there. (i understand that sometimes these are obligations and costs that people, even japanese people, don't want, but if you never have them at all anymore, you miss them. at least, i do.) i don't have any friends, at least not nearby. not close enough to make it feasible or regular. i accept that it's mainly my fault, that i use the excuse of my child(ren) to keep me home or doing things with them. i also perfected the art of ignore when i was in junior high, to keep the hurtful looks and comments away. it has been handy in japan whenever i get unwanted attention, but i think it keeps me from making any real friends.
i also have no outlet for stress. hiro is so stressful these days (poor little guy) but i can't walk (hiro is too slow, and i'm too big to comfortably put sasha in a sling). basically there's no babysitting in japan, and when yoshi inquired about the silver service, i guess they don't do babysitting. (that's what i gathered from yoshi). my babies are too young for kindergarten (i don't want them to go every day anyway) and i don't work full-time so daycare won't take them. there is (probably) a drop in daycare nearby (that's where i took hiro when i was working part-time, but in kitakyushu city) but the cost just doesn't make it worth it. and hiro's separation issues make it hard for me, anyway. and breastfeeding sasha is another worry. so, no exercise for me.
i guess the weather could have a little to do with it, too. it's been rather rainy lately, with only a little bit of sunshine. i do get depressed with too much rain and clouds. and it also makes me homesick this time of year. doesn't help that the holiday season has started.
well, anyway, i'm not in a good mood, feel rather down. so, i'm gonna go watch the dancing cat for a while and hope it cheers me up.
April 25, 2024
19 hours ago
4 comments:
dare I say that this patch will pass. I have felt that way too. trapped actually. loving my kids and thankful for all my blessings but lost and trapped and left out. It`s young kids that keep you to this and they will grow older and more independent. I spent 8 years at home with a baby/toddler.... not working and really not a lot of friends. 8 years. (3 kids....from 0-3) now there are days when none of them are around and it`s a bit LONELY (but thrilling). time is your friend here and coping with the time now with little ones. How`s the stitching going.? I`ve love to see some photos.
Jan.
It must be hard with more than one to get out of the house. It will happen though.
I always think of blogging in the car, we need tape recorders! hehehe
I hope the cats cheered you up!! Hugs!
I know how you feel, I think we all do to a certain extent. I remember really resenting D when J was small and he would come and go as he pleased and go drinking when I had nowhere to go and no-one to do stuff with. BF-ing is great but it really does tie you to your child and it is tough not being able to get any time to yourself at all. I am surprised to hear that the silver service don`t do babysitting, I thought they did. J is going through a stage at the moment as well and is hard work so I can appreciate your frustrations with that. I almost look forward to when he goes to daycare as he gets to work all his energy out with the other kids!!! Maybe when you move you will be surrounded with cool people to hang out with!!
(((Illahee))) You are in a very stressful time right now with a toddler and a new little baby. It`s perfectly understandable to feel the way you do. Perhaps the expense of the drop-in care is worth it for you to get a little time to yourself? At least once in awhile.
Post a Comment