that's why i haven't blogged much lately. i was especially depressed when my period came last month, stupid raging hormones. but also being surrounded by all this crap just brings me down. and this new computer--though nice--is going to take some getting used to, and i hate change. speaking of change, i changed over to the new blogger, whatever that is. they seem to be all out of beta, so i have no idea what this is all about. ah well, back to depression. i guess it could be a touch of PPD. i don't want to off myself or drown my children, don't worry, but sometimes i just want to cry and scream and shout. my poor kids. they deserve a better mommy than me.
i would do pictures but i can't find the USB cord for my camera. and i haven't tried sticking the CD in the macbook to do those pics. gotta get movin'!
anyway, hope to post more soon.
April 25, 2024
9 hours ago
3 comments:
((((Illahee))))
Change is hard and you are making a HUGE one whilst in the middle of taking care of two little ones. It doesn`t get much more stressful than that. Please take care of yourself!
Change is totally hard, even good change! I hope your spirit rise soon!
I wrote you a long comment but because I too was forced to switch to the new version of blogger I had problems posting it.
Firstly, a big cyber-hug. If I weren't in my final trimester I would offer to fly out to Fukuoka and meet up at the aquarium so the two older little ones could run around and you could have a break (I am about due for a visit to the PILs).
Have you ever felt in such a rut before? What got you out of it? These are not questions I am personally asking you to respond to me about but perhaps to help you on the path out. I don't want to make assumptions but you could be very tired- two babies, work, unpacking *sigh*. What do you think you need? How can you get it? (eg. sleep, house in order).
First time around having a baby was a challenge and I was stuck in low mode for a looong time. I don't think it was post-partum depression just as you said- circumstantial changes that I felt I had no control over. The lack of sleep, moving, trying to figure out what I was supposed be doing. From what I recall you weren't totally expecting to move to a house so soon after baby was born (or at all?)
Now I am throwing myself in the same situation again- moving and baby but LESS luxury to relax (didn't see myself saying that a couple of years ago). I hope I am mentally fortified this time around but its the physical part that really does a whammy on all the spirit I have.
Your youngest is about 6 months old now. Is there anyway you can get together with a supportive, inspiring friend to recharge- get a cheap 15 min massage and discover a little cafe with out kids or hubby for a couple of hours. Won't solve alot but will perhaps give you a new perspective.
Sometimes it helps to write a long cathartic post in your blog and leave it in the edit bin. Just for your sake and not for others to read.
Seriously, I deeply feel for you and your situation. I hope things feel settled and back in the groove soon.
Another cyber hug.
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