i am fat. it's ok, i'm used to it. not to say that i like being fat, or that i want to be fat, i just am. i am pretty healthy (shocking, i know), which seems to be the basis for most people making comments about weight. studies show, blah blah blah, and yes, i know there's a risk for certain diseases as i get older, but there's no guarantee.
i do want to lose weight. i was losing weight before i got pregnant with hiro, mainly through exercise. i was swimming almost every day, but since moving to fukuoka, i have not had that opportunity. i have also been pregnant most of that time (yes, there was a year that i wasn't, but finding childcare here in japan is difficult. at least, it has been for me.) i don't have to be thin, however. just...not so fat. if that makes sense. and i want to exercise because of the benefits.
my weight is not something i usually talk about here, so that's why i wrote the above. i'm not trying to be a fat activist or something, just writing about what i am. and this isn't going to be a weight loss blog or anything. if the title of this post has told you anything, i am going to write about some comments i've had directed toward me lately.
society (both in the US and in japan) has made it very clear that being fat is not good. not healthy. not sexy. fat = bad. this is sad, really. but then, even i am disgusted by seriously overweight people. maybe that even prompts me to some self-hate. i don't know. i have tried to come to terms with this, one cannot lose weight by wishing it, or by taking a magic pill that makes it disappear by the next day.
(hm, i seem to have lost part of my post. oh well. long story short: totally random guy came up to me while i was in my car at home and said that i sure eat a lot. yes, i was eating a snack in the car, but i didn't start eating until i had parked the car. and i was eating in the car because it was hot and it was raining, and the kids were sound asleep. DO NOT WAKE A SLEEPING BABY. what a jerk.)
anyway, the main reason this post has been bouncing around in my head: last friday yoshi had a drinking party. he thought it would be a good idea if the kids and i showed up so his co-workers could meet us. that isn't really the done thing here in japan, but since i'm a foreigner, and our kids are cute, his co-workers wanted to meet us. yoshi mainly works with older people. he's the youngest in his section, the next oldest is a man about my age, and then everyone else is in the grandma and grandpa age group. seriously.
so, i took the kids to the restaurant where they were having the party. aw, the kids are cute. i almost immediately get bombarded with the, 'where are you from?' question. more often than not, this means, 'where in the US are you from?' but most japanese people don't know what i'm talking about, unless i bring up seattle and ichiro. kinda weird for me, as i'm not really from seattle. anyway. yoshi spent a lot of time chasing the kids (sasha crawls fast!) and one guy kept trying to get me to eat fried chicken. i wasn't really hungry, plus i had had fried chicken for lunch, so i kept trying to decline. then he asked me how much i weighed. i just didn't answer the question. so, he started to guess. 100 kilos? i didn't answer. another guy, sitting on the other side said, 'she must weigh at least 120 kilos.' for those of you who don't know, it's about 2.2 pounds per kilo, so 100 kilos is about 220 pounds. i have never weighed that much. i was embarrassed, and didn't say anything. the man sitting across the table started saying, 'that's really rude.' and the subject dropped.
surprisingly (to me) i wasn't angry. i suspected that yoshi hadn't told them that i was pregnant. since we have two kids, and one of each at that, it probably didn't occur to these guys that i might be pregnant. i asked yoshi on the way home if he had told them yet and he said that he hadn't. he kept apologizing and saying that these old guys work in fields all day and don't have opportunities to speak to young women very often. i still wasn't angry, but i don't want to see yoshi's co-workers again. yoshi said we had made a difference at the party, that they weren't really talking to each other until we showed up. i guess babies are a great ice-breaker, and having a chance to talk to a foreigner is rare for many people here, but i really don't think we'll be going to another drinking party. ever.
May 7, 2024
10 hours ago
10 comments:
What is it with Japanese people needing to know personal details, age, measurements and weight? Oh wait, could it be that the variety T.V. shows have influenced it? Since they still often actually have those on the screen under pretty cute young things?
Hmmmmm. . . if a coworker of my DH's had started playing the how much do you weigh game with me he would have eaten some fried chicken. . .whole.
I admire you for keeping your cool (especially with pregnancy hormones on the go!) and was really happy to hear that it was another guy (not your DH) who told the rude ones to knock it off. That is a glimmer of hope!
I totally understand where you are coming from on the weight issues and appreciate your willingness to blog a bit about them.
Laura
Geez how incredibly rude!
Love yourself, your husband obviously loves you the way that you are.
pssshaa ...
I'm sorry. Old Japanese men are the worst for saying crazy stuff (unless you live in Osaka and then the old ladies are crazy!).
Even during the time I was the thinnest since living in Japan, I felt huge anyways since everyone is naturally so little. It's frustrating because nothing is going to change that. Ever.
I think as long as you're happy with yourself then nothing else matters.
Turn a deaf ear to everyone who says things like that. I understand about getting used to comments that would make your blood boil anywhere else though. I hope that you're doing OK.
My husband always notices that Japanese people ask me questions and make personal observations about me that they would NEVER, EVER make to a fellow Japanese person -- it's like, "Whoa, it's a gaijin! So the usual rules don't apply! We can ask her how old she is, how much she weighs, what her bra size is, how much she pays in rent!"
The question about the rent upset him most -- people kept asking what we were paying, and he didn't want me to answer (since my company was paying, and I think it was a point of wounded male pride, but whatever). The BRA questions bothered me the most, especially when I was breastfeeding and I was a double D!
Hang in there -- there are insensitive people everywhere, but Japan certainly has its share, as well as a culture that indulges them.
My husband (Japanese) often tells me that those who keep quiet are the winners in this kind of situation. It is nearly impossible for me. You showed your stuff! Good job! And, yes, old Japanese guys can be such jerks!!!
Good god! You're not fat, you've been continously pregnant for a while!
I had a similar experience last January when we were in JP. We were shopping for mics and the sales guy asked where I was from. I said the US. He said "really? How come you're not fat?" I really didn't know what to say to that...
People can be so f*cking rude sometimes!
I think we all know my standard answer to personal questions like that- just ask them about their penis size. That usually shuts them up. I have gotten really good at passive aggressive pointing out of rudeness since living in Japan.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go back. I never want to visit DH's grandfather. He no longer cries when he sees me because he thinks the Americans are invading, but he does say "you'r huge" every time and asks questions about how much I weigh, how can I walk etc. I know he has dementia but it still makes me uncomfortable. Plus he hits my son which is a real problem.
I do think being fat is a blessing. I can weed out the arseholes from the regular people quicker than my skinny friends can...
thank you for all your comments. L, i think your husband is on to something there...
The constant comments on people`s appearance in Japan really get me down and the "you`re fat" stuff really drives me insane too. I am sorry you had to go through that and I know how hard it is to know how to react properly in situations like that (especially when you aren`t drunk, I always handle stuff like that better when I have had a couple of beers.) You are fine the way you are so stop putting yourself down and thinking so little about yourself otherwise I shall have to come back to Japan just to beat some sense into you! ;-)
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