so, writing about our day in omuta made me realize that i had made a good choice in NOT going to my in-laws when i got locked out of the house. it would have been a nightmare if we had gone there.
first of all, it's so far away. sure, we're in the same prefecture (barely) but we're pretty much at one end and they're at the other. it takes an hour and a half to get there with the toll roads. if we went on regular streets, even using big roads like route 3 (which really would be a mistake because it's so busy) it would probably take five or more hours. also, i had to work on tuesday last week, in kitakyushu, which is even farther away, so i would have been exhausted just from driving.
then there's the toilet at their house. it's broken. from what i can tell, they don't have plumbing (as in, the toilet is not set up to a public sewer system, just a septic tank, so a regular flushing toilet is not possible.) but the toilet they have is broken. it doesn't flush at all. the lever (which is a foot one, btw) is kaput and has to be propped up with a jar so the valve doesn't stay open and let all the odors out. (gross) it's also a japanese style toilet (so, you have to crouch over it) and that's just not going to happen when i'm pregnant. the occasional use, fine. but not for two days. as it was, i had a hard time just one night (i won't go into details) and i told yoshi that i'm not going to spend the night there until after the baby is born. also, for some reason, his mom put one of those mosquito coils in there. that is a kind of insect-repelling incense (which smells terrible) and is meant for a larger place than a teeny tiny toilet room with little ventilation. i don't think there's a huge mosquito problem in just that room, i think she did it to also help combat the smell from the toilet. but it was terrible! i couldn't breathe whenever i went to the toilet (and at seven months pregnant, it was often). ugh.
then, of course, there's yoshi's mom herself. i know that i create part of the problem myself, dwelling on the past and not being able to let go. but i think we all know about the fiasco that happened after sasha was born. i really do try to be gracious (this is not something that comes naturally to me, especially when i have a grudge against someone). i showed her the pictures of her newest grandchild that i had on my camera. i tried not to complain too much when we went to lunch. but when we went to the festival on saturday, she picked up my parasol (which i had been planning to use) and said, 'kristin, i'm using your parasol. thanks!' that really pissed me off. yoshi said, 'my mom's using your umbrella, did you want to use it?' i told him that i did, but it was ok, it was late anyway and the sun wasn't that strong. plus, it would be blocked by the buildings soon. but....we just left her house!! if she was so effing concerned about the friggin' sun, why didn't she bring her own parasol or hat?? it's not like i live in town and have easy access to my things. after that i was just really annoyed and found it hard to be civil. that and all the walking and standing around tired me out and made my back hurt (i was really snotty about all the boring dancing...)
of course, the number one reason why i didn't stay at their place was i was embarrassed to admit that the kids and i got locked out of the house. and that's reason enough for me to stay away.
April 19, 2024
2 hours ago
7 comments:
I was just going to suggest that a spare set of keys be left in your MIL's place for future incidents when I read your last para, and totally understand it.
My MIL would take great pleasure and gloat if I were to lock myself up too and I would hate to give her that opportunity.
As it is, I already felt lousy last week when as she was leaving my house, she said to me "Oh, I heard from Kai (my DS) that there was a big cockroach in your house yesterday". It was the way she said it and the "triumphant" look on her face. Argh!
Hugs to you and hope it is smooth-sailing till the end of your pregnancy, at least!
That should read as "lock myself out".
I think my MIL has finally realized that she cannot get to me. We've hit the "whatever she says bounces off me and sticks on her" phase of our relationship and that has allowed me to be more pleasant with her. But we will never get past "pleasant" as long as I live.
Heidi - she would gloat if you locked yourself up, wouldn't she?! Thanks for the laugh! I really needed it.
Yup, I'm in the same boat as Sarah, I don't think my MIL and I will ever get passed "pleasant" either.
For the most part, I can just ignore the bad and smile about it. Or we just get along and stay in "polite mode" until the end of a visit, but every *every* once in a while, I will truly get bent out of shape about something she says or something (hey I'm not perfect, Im human and heck yes, sometimes words can wear on ya). And then, it's on! Ha ha ha. But for the most part I try to stay civil and as polite as possible.
If it makes you feel any better Illahee. I woulda been upset about the parasol too. In fact that is something my MIL would totally do to me! For what it's worth. My MIL's thing is my shoes. She comes wearing her shoes obviously. But when she stays the night at our place, she will always slip on mine, doesn't matter what for, she will find a reason to wear mine. Say we all go for a walk with the boys. I will look all over the genkan, shoe closet, you name it. And come to find out she left wearing my walking shoes! What's up with that? We go onto the back terrace to eat. Again, I will look high and low for my flip flops I placed in the genkan because I was about to slip them on, I will run to the kitchen for say a napkin for one of the kids and *poof* again they are on her feet. And she has total "yucko feet and toes" btw! I have complained to my DH. He says if he mentions it, it could ruin the mood of the trip/her stay. So I say nothing. And I quietly boil over with anger, until she leaves. Ha ha ha.
oh gina, my MIL has done that to me, too! not every time she visits, but it bugs me to no end when she takes my shoes. and...the shoes she brings are slip ons so it's not like she can't just slip into her own shoes! LOL
Um, I just stumbled on your Blog and found it really interesting. Something tells me that Japanese men are going to be off limits to me if that is how the inlaws are. LOL
I was a Muslima for a while, and did not realize how much danger I could have been in had I married an Arab and gone to his country with him.
This culture thing is really interesting. I wish you the best.
Gwen
thanks for the comment gwen.
i don't mean to sound as though all japanese MIL are like mine. she's just a bit...nutty i guess. not a bad person at all, she just didn't want an american for a DIL. *sigh*
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