i've been feeling pretty depressed lately. part of it has to do with my birthday last week. it wasn't special at all. i did nothing. well, i did go to diamond city, but that just tires me out and makes me angry at hiroyuki. medea sent me an e-mail message with a cake! and my mom called me. midori also left me a comment here, but that's it. not even my husband wished me a happy birthday until he came home from work that night and found me crying. and then, he got all mad because he thought it was about him and that my crying made the children hate him. *sigh* whatever.

i was crying because i was feeling sorry for myself. i was trying to remember a worse birthday, and then i couldn't remember a good one. that sucked. i know that i did have nice birthdays, fun birthdays when i was a kid. cake and ice cream with friends at my house. i even vaguely remember a pin the tail on the donkey game somewhere (in florida??) but since we moved when i was ten, just before my eleventh birthday, things weren't quite as nice. not as many friends. jerky teenage years (oh yeah, i was such an asshole when i was a teenager). having surgery on my foot just before my 21st birthday. i guess no one really noticing your birthday, because you have so few friends, really isn't that big a deal. there are people out there with bigger problems, but i was so sad.

another cause is homesickness. i wanna go home. (but i don't. weird, i know.) and what causes this homesickness? believe it or not, autumn. stinkin' autumn. i HATE autumn. it's my least favorite season. it gets cold. the days get shorter. winter is coming *sob* and everything dies. i hate that. i was reading blue lotus' blog and realized that this is the season of good food, but that's it, the only positive thing i can think of for fall. but....the cooler weather is making me remember home. going back to school. getting excited about halloween, which is quickly followed by thanksgiving and then, before you know it, it's christmas! i wanna go home and feel the cooler weather, drive in the rain, play soccer. and well, yes, i probably just want to be a child again. let's start over, shall we?

i am enjoying my pregnancy, but i have to admit i'm about ready to be finished. especially when he starts to kick and squirm. it's starting to hurt.