yoshi took last friday off because of a trip he made to mie one saturday last month. yesterday was a holiday (sports appreciation day? let's have another three-day-weekend day? i can't remember). having him at home so much is rather tiring. he has no idea how home-life works around here, and has a hard time remembering that pregnancy home-life time is very different than regular. and...everything is going to change when number 3 shows up.
i know i shouldn't complain, he's really a good father and can be helpful around the house, but...well, first off, he has very definite ideas on a clean house (not really how, just that it should be.) i am tired and everything is just not getting done. i really hate to vacuum, and now it just exhausts me, so i really wish he'd just step up and do it. and then not complain about it, or expect some kind of royal recognition for doing it. second, i really need a break from the kids. he will take them out, play with them, and even bathe them, but...sometimes it's not enough. i am grateful for every minute alone i receive, but i don't like feeling resented for doing so. he should take his kids and enjoy them for goodness' sake! am i wrong? am i supposed to sacrifice every living moment so that my husband can go to work, go jogging or swimming, go to the library or study for some important exam he wants to take in november, while i feed, change, bathe and entertain the children? it's not fair, and while life may not be fair, it's not as though i'm really doing this alone. for the most part, they are great kids, just so young, and they aren't going to be like this forever. and i feel so guilty about wanting to get away--from the kids, from the house, from my husband. *sigh* i need some reece's peanut butter cups...
and when is this baby coming?! lol
Senyuji Temple 58 Shikoku Ohenro Pilgrimage
8 hours ago
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I felt the same way through my pregnancies, too. My third child was born when my oldest was only 3-1/2 and I felt like everyone was so dependant on me for everything and I couldn't take it all. I wanted someone to take care of me.
I had a long talk with my husband and he seemed to understand so I thought I was done but actually I ended up having the exact same conversation about five times until he *really* understood what I was saying. My mom always says that "a man must be shown" and it's true. If you want him to do someting you've got to walk him through it a couple of times. Maybe he could pick two house chores that he doesn't mind doing and he could just do them until you've recovered. Or if you want him to take the kids out, you should make a plan for him, give him all the stuff and send them out the door. If I sent my husband out without a plan, he always comes back within an hour because he couldn't think of something to do or they "seemed tired" (my personal favorite).
Also, what is it with men thinking that they should be praised because they help out a little bit. I don't get it. I don't know if you read Laura's blog (CourseGoldGirl) but someone left a comment on there about how her husband thinks he's so great because he helps out so much more than his dad did when he was young but she countered with the fact that he still does way less around the house than she does. I thought that was great!
Don't worry, it gets better. When Emi went to school, life felt a lot more manageable. Of course around the same time I found out I was pregnant again (big surprise!). If you really think this is your last baby, you should make it a permanant decision. We had decided that my husband would get a vasectomy but that turned out to be really complicated (although very effective!). Afterwards I wished that I had asked for a tubal ligation to be done right after I gave birth. I was already there and it's actually easier to do right then then later. Just a thought!
I so totally identify with what you're saying about needing to get away from small children and yet being made to feel guilty and kinda bad about it. My DH honestly believes that women naturally receive joy and fulfillment from child rearing duties. And when I look at his family--well maybe his mother and sister did/do. I am a SAHM currently and it is the HARDEST job I have ever had. I love my kids more than I ever imagined one could love another human being. . . but I need time on my own.
Like Sarah pointed out, these men need told not once but again and again. Charts, diagrams, testimonial stories of motherhood madness. . .
Good luck! My DD#2 turns 5 tomorrow! I love October birthdays--my Dad's is an October birthday as well. When is your due date? I was one week overdue with DD#2 and in the final pictures of my pregnancy I look so gosh darn angry! LOL.
Laura in Akita
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