that this evening my living room is a complete and utter wreck?! i mean, compared to yesterday when we were stuck at home?? maybe because we had dinner inside. and, hiro hasn't tidied up (and he may not, who's to say?)

i feel like i'm stuck. stuck in a rut? stuck in life? i don't know, but because i have three small children that i stay at home with i feel like i'm going nowhere. that i can't go anywhere. i don't mean changing location, exactly, but that i can't do anything for me. i've gained *more* than ten kilos since tommy was born. that's way more than anything i gained after hiro, and more than i gained in the six months before tommy was conceived. i can't exercise. i'm stressed so much that i eat loads of sugar, and drink far too much coca cola. i don't work. i do get to do a lot of crafts, but to what end? it's not like i'm selling them or even have someone in mind when i make most things.

ugh. i feel like i'm not explaining myself well. and i should probably check the calendar to see if this is just a bout of PMS. whine whine whine, complain complain complain, that's me. it's not that i think i need to be perfect, and i definitely know that i'm lucky to be a SAHM at the moment. i know that this is temporary, that things will change as the children get older. maybe not easier, exactly, it seems to me that life gets more complicated as children get older. but when they can start doing things for themselves (i need to start running a tally: how many glasses of milk, how many diaper changes and potty inspections, etc. then again, it would probably just depress me more...but i seriously wish sasha could get her own cup of milk at this point!) i think that i will start to handle it all better. one reason i listed all the things i did yesterday is that it's pretty rare for me to do half those things most days. felt like an accomplishment for sure!

all we did today was go to the grocery store, but now i feel like i've been flattened out. and i have a headache. everyone took long naps today so no one is tired right now. but yoshi is home so who knows what the rest of the evening will be like. we will be meeting up with kuri and pinglet tomorrow, so we are looking forward to that. here's hoping tomorrow will be better than today!