i have always had a difficult time getting to sleep. i always had to go to bed early, because i needed at least an hour to relax and get to sleep. nothing has changed now that i'm an adult. well, except for a few years there when i was so exhausted from taking care of the children. these days i rarely fall into bed exhausted and asleep within minutes. as i have done all my life, i have to daydream myself to sleep.

sometimes, though, i am not ready to dream. at the end of the day i am tired, sleepy, ready for sleep, but my brain needs to relax into it. so i think about stuff. sometimes i think about what happened that day. sometimes i think about what i need to do the next day. but sometimes i think about stupid things, like all the embarrassing things i have done in my life. i really hate that. why think about stupid things that you cannot change? it may have been embarrassing at the time, but thinking about it and getting embarrassed all over again doesn't help. it doesn't even help getting me to sleep most of the time. *sometimes* i start daydreaming about what i might have done differently, or, if i remember someone i used to know, i wonder about how that person is doing and if they remember me. but mostly i am embarrassed and stressed out of sleep mode. i think my brain works too hard.