...when you don't want to spend any more time with your kids? i don't mean forever and ever, just...when you've reached your limit and need some time alone. i spend so much time with my children during the day and almost all night, too. sometimes i need some quiet. sometimes i need to do something for me. sometimes i just want to eat something without someone begging for a bite (or the whole plate). and sometimes i DON'T want to feel guilty about wanting to be away from my kids. *sigh*
today yoshi wanted to go to the aquarium in the city, but he also wants his parents to come on sunday because he needs a haircut. well, the house doesn't get very clean when it's just me and the children so i didn't want to go. we talked about it last night and i thought i made it very clear that i didn't want to go, but that's not how yoshi heard it. ugh, i hate shouting, i hate saying the same damn thing over and over but seriously? i didn't want to go and the house needs attention too sometimes.
i don't want to sound like i'm complaining, i love my children and they are well taken care of and are much loved and appreciated. but taking care of children isn't a one-person job. everyone needs a break at their job! in our house there are two parents so we both need to spend time with children, and spend time alone. my husband is gone for much of the day, and it's hard on him driving to and from work, plus dealing with work things, but the children miss him so it shouldn't be such a burden for him to spend a few hours on the weekend with them. i know it can be hard because he doesn't know all the 'tricks' or each child's quirks (but hey, he can learn, right?) but i do need some time away from the noise. is that too much to ask?
Yabusame in Tsuwano
10 hours ago
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12 comments:
I'm right there with you on that one. Right now my husband is in Iraq so I'm both mommy and daddy 24/7 until June. Yikes! There's nothing more I would LUV than to sit down at the table with a good book and a cup of coffee in the morning in SILENCE. I rely on the babysitter (TV) for that one. And I never turn down an offer from a friend to watch them for an hour or two even if it's just to run and get some groceries by myself. Good luck!
I don't think it's too much to ask to leave the kids with him for a few hours in the weekend. Just be firm that you have plans, you are GOING, and GOING ALONE.
Yes, everyone needs a break, but even if you can't get one, I still think you cope better being out of the house, ignoring the housework or with other adults, even relatives you don't like much! Rather than just by yourself at home.
So meet friends, go to the in-laws, and learn to just slip out of the room when he's at home and go have a bath or a nap, with the door locked!
Work also has more power than 'I just need a break'. Try to set up a conversation class or kids' class or something on Saturday. I know it's not 'me time' but it's still time away from kids and responsibilites. I've only got one a week now, but I like to get out and do something relatively intelligent!
How about ichiju-hoiku for Sasha and Tommy? Round here, it's four hours three times a week, which is not much time away from Mummy, and you could work two times and spend the third day shopping by yourself (oh luxury) or just sitting on the sofa doing nothing and being amazed that no-one is jumping on you.
Won't your in-laws watch them for a few hours while you shop?
No, it isn't too much to ask for. I only have one, and I have the same feelings. I am an introvert, so really need some time each day alone to get refreshed to be with people/family again. When I don't get it... I hope you get some time soon!
Would your husband be open to taking the kids to the aquarium or even the park without you? My husband is an elementary school teacher and very good with kids, but even he balked at the idea of staying at home with the kids when the olders were really little. He was much more comfortable taking them out somewhere where they would be engaged and playing rather than whining around the house. Just a thought.
I think every mom has felt the way you do now at some time. I hope you can get some quiet, peaceful moments soon!
I have been there. Just to have a minute to yourself without someone pulling on your pant leg.
oh yes, L & W, my dad was in the navy and even without a war my mom was left alone with us kids for months at a time. hat's off to you!!
rachel, there's no way in hell my babies are staying with my MIL, even for an hour. thankfully they live far enough away that it isn't an issue (as in, baa-chan isn't insisting on having the kids over on their own. *shudder*)
sue, yoshi didn't want to go on his own with all three (to the aquarium). even once when all of us went together, he lost hiro! he went for a drive with all of them yesterday, but he sure was tired out afterward (he stopped at a shopping mall with them. that's a big task!)
I'm a firm believer that moms not only deserve time for themselves, they NEED it! You're no good to anyone when you're stressed out and exhausted. To be at your best, you need rest and time to recuperate and rejuvenate yourself. All 3 of my kiddos go to school all day, 5 days a week, and the two oldest are completely self-sufficient, but I still have to take some "me time" every now again, time when I'm the priority for a little while.
I wish you lived closer to me! I'd love to come give you a break every now and then! But then again, I totally know what you mean about both parents taking responsibility for the kids. A few nights ago I told O to help E get his pj's on. He shouts from upstairs "Where do you keep his pajamas?" !!! We've lived in this house for over a year, and the pj's have been in the exact same drawer the entire time!! GIVE ME A BREAK! Wow, don't get me started on this topic LOL
It's not too much to ask, I don't have any kids yet, but I still get what your saying.
I don't have any advice to offer, only my sympathy.
and a hug.
*hug*
I will be hosting a cup throwing workshop in February for amped up mothers who need to find ways to relieve stress :p
Hope you got some 'me time'. Leave them all with Yoshi and come join me for some BEAUTFIUL WEATHER in Napier!
I remember when my kids were tiny, in Los Angeles, I joined a cheap gym that actually had daycare, and that was so heavenly. And then I found a reasonable daycare center that had space for drop-ins. Oh, that was grand.
And then....we moved back to Tokyo. And I realized how lucky I had been.
I also went back to work fulltime, at a really stressful job. I remember my husband just assuming that because I worked during the week, I would want to spend ALL of my time outside work with the kids. In fact, I needed a little bit of "me" time more than ever.
He used to watch the kids while I went grocery shopping. We didn't have a car, so my options were limited, but.....as long as I came home with big bags of food, he didn't question exactly where I'd been.
Getting time for oneself is tough when your kids are small. And for me it was even tougher in Japan.
This is a tough one with two separate issues. #1 you need time alone and #2 you need some undisturbed time to clean the house.
Shortly after Ailin was born, I started going out on some Saturday mornings to do "crafts" with a friend at a local food court. Later this turned into the Craft n Chat - a group of local foreign ladies who meet up and do their individual crafts from 9-12, once a month at a local Shimin Plaza. We split the cost of the room between the participants and it is extremely cheap. We do it only once a month, but it is very much looked forward to.
As for #2, it is so hard to keep the house clean, but if it bothers you, maybe it's time to look into hiring someone to come in and help once a week or so. Perhaps Thursdays or Fridays would be a good day since it is just before the weekend, you can feel more relaxed with your dh around if the house is cleaner. I am not sure how expensive it is to hire someone, but I was seriously considering it recently. Things are not as stressed at work now, so I may hold off on this idea for myself.
I know what you mean. I usually get me-time in the afternoon when my younger two are sleeping before my older two come back from school unless it's Saturday. Another way for me to get some time alone is after the kids go to bed (usually around 8:30). If my husband is home I take the car and go to the nearest shopping center with a book or my notebook and enjoy a sweet something by myself. I do this at least once every two weeks. My husband doesn't understand but he still lets me go. He has only taken all four kids out by himself ONCE but I'm hoping as they get a little older he'll do that more often.
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