ugh. i often find myself composing blog posts when i drive. hm, maybe i'm admitting that i drive on auto-pilot. LOL but when i sit down at the computer, i find my enthusiasm for writing has gone and that all the clever things i had in my head are gone. i need to free-write in the moment, otherwise it's gone...

what i was thinking today, though, was about summer. also about 'my japan', an idea of what japan is supposed to be and hating the fact that others see it differently. but i'm not going into that. today i saw a woman riding a bicycle and it reminded me of kyoto. summer here reminds me of kyoto, probably because i spent two summers there. five weeks the first year and four the second, no husband, no baby, no pregnancy, just studying (yeah, right) japanese, riding my rented bike all over the city, going to sento with okaasan, driving in the countryside with otoosan...summers in kyoto are hot, and i remember spending time on the roof of the co-op in the evenings, going to class in the mornings and just living every day in the heat. i miss kyoto.

sometimes the hot summers here remind me of my childhood, and if i go to the beach it's like that. this summer is hard, though, because of the pregnancy. i feel so laden, so heavy. i can hardly wait for next year, and yet i do not want time to rush by! oh...