i just wrote a comment on someone else's blog, and i got angry at my MIL all over again. you see, i was planning on writing something simple, a little explanation as to why i wasn't going to rant about her, but...well, *sigh* she gave hiro beer. twice. while i was here. i am so angry about that. still.
you see, while i was in the clinic with the baby, yoshi took care of hiro. which was fine on friday, saturday and sunday, but yoshi had to go back to work on monday. and i was in the clinic until tuesday. i had expected to have hiro join me. and i felt rested after a few days "alone" and felt i could handle it. but yoshi asked his mother to stay with him (or she offered, i'm not sure). and i didn't want to be heavy handed, or come across as a bitch and hey, her own two sons survived to adulthood so my baby would be ok for two days (and yoshi would be there at night...) but on wednesday, my first whole day back home, his mom cracked open a beer at lunchtime. and hiro 'begged' for a sip. so she let him taste it! he didn't like it and didn't want to drink more, but i must admit i was pretty fucking shocked. and then, when she opened a second beer later that day, hiro once again wanted a sip (not that it was beer, but that an adult opened a can of drink) and she, once again, let him taste. i then told her that wasn't ok. (ugh. my japanese sucks. plus, i just can't let her have it. i know, i'm weak. but she's yoshi's mother...) it didn't happen again...unless she gave him beer the next day when i was in the toilet. once again, at lunch, she opened a beer. i was in the toilet and i heard her say, 'hai, dozo.' (here you go) and then, 'mo ikkai, dozo.' (one more (taste)). but since i didn't see it i really couldn't accuse...also, when i was first home, hiro took a beer can out of the recycle box (which was FILLED with beer cans) and 'drank' from it. i was shocked, and then angry after his grandmother let him taste her beer.
and that's it for me. i cannot trust her. AND SHE WAS ALONE WITH HIM FOR TWO DAYS. that makes me so sad and angry. ugh.
the only other things i can say are this: on wednesday she made dinner (remember, this is six days after i gave birth). in the afternoon i started having a headache, a real migraine, head pounding monster of a headache. i waited and waited for yoshi to come home. when he did his mom started serving dinner. i just couldn't stand it any more and went to lie down (not go to bed, just lie down and rest.) it hurt her feelings and she started to cry. so I was the bad guy, a terrible woman, because i didn't share a meal with her. one that she had cooked. that was the only dinner she made (she often made breakfast for yoshi and herself, things that she also put in his bento. he must have loved having his mom here in the morning...)
the other thing...on thursday or friday i couldn't find my wallet (i foolishly left it in the car. idiot.) i looked for it, in the car and in the house, but with no luck. now, i didn't want to ask my MIL about it, because she tends to worry about stuff. but, i really needed my wallet and i thought if she had seen it lying around, she could help me out. so, calmly and in a nice (so i thought) voice, i asked her if she had seen it, if she knew where it was. she didn't (because it was in the car) and so i kept looking. a few minutes later i found it (hiding in the car!) and told her it was ok, i found it. on sunday, after she left, i found out from yoshi that his mother felt that i was accusing her of taking (stealing) my wallet when i asked her about it. WTF?? i was so shocked, just floored when i heard that. especially when i had taken pains to ask her so nicely.
i guess i could just conclude that i cannot win, that with this woman that whatever i do will be the wrong thing. and you know, i think i can live with that. and she will never babysit my children. never ever.
March 28, 2024
2 hours ago
10 comments:
Sorry to hear about that. If she knew Hiro didn't like it, why would she keep trying to give him some? Buck up little buddy!
I. Feel. Your. Pain. And I don't even have any kids. There is a reason why I call her the Wicked Witch of the East.
hang in there!!!
((((( hugs)))))
YIKES!!! I told my MIL about your MIL giving Hiro sips of beer and she was like "WTF!?! No normal person would even think about doing that!!" So you have proof that it definitely isn`t just a Japanese thing!! I definitely wouldn`t be able to leave my son with my MIL ever again if she did something like that!
I am so sorry to hear that you are having sucha hard time, especially when it should be a joyous occassion just having given birth (Congratulations! She is beautiful!) Have you tried talking to your husband about it? In those situations I found my husband is my best advocate and helps get things straightened out (especially when my Japanese fails)
Wow, that sounds awful, all of it. I can't believe she gave him beer! You have my sympathy.
Belated happy birthday -- and WOW, your MIL sounds like a very inconsiderate woman.
There is no reason to give beer to a kid. Sure, a little sip won`t kill him, but WHY DO IT??? Especially if his mother SPECIFICALLY AKED YOU NOT TO????
When my uncle was in college, he and his friends gave then 2-year old me some beer. It strikes me as the kind of thing an immature person would do, just to watch the baby`s reaction for kicks. WHY would a grown woman DO THIS???
The dinner story shows that she thinks everything is about HER.
So sorry you have to deal with this.
Wowsa! Your mil should not have given Hiro a few sips of beer! I know in Japan it's not seen as a major "no no" but it's just not a good thing! I woulda hit the roof too!
Any complaint you have tell Yoshi and have him deal with his mom.
As all of the Chiba gals already know and have known, I've been calling my mil, "the Wicked Witch of the West" for about 6 years so far. And whenever we go pick up my MIL from the airport, I humm the song that played when she rode her bicycle (after she threw Toto into her basket). Ha ha ha! I know...I'm awful! And when we were at the DIY a few weeks ago and saw one of those old style brooms, I told my hubby, "oh I didn't know your mom was here" , and I smiled and said....just joking honey! Ha ha ha! Yes, I know I'm so mean!
But on a fair note, I can't just tell off my MIL either. I usually just smile and take whatever abuse she's doling out that day! I use the old grin and bare it approach.
My mil while having been quite nice to me in the past. She's also said horrible things to me. Like
#1, have you gained weight? (rude!!!)
#2 I bet something will be wrong with your baby!...(she said this to me because I didn't wear socks one summers day in Japan with my first pregnancy....oh and yeah like this is what a first time mom needs to hear???)
#3, I never want to see her face again (yeah right back atcha MIL, feeling is totally mutual!) LOL.
She's said many things to me basically! I keep trying to get along with the darn woman. Because like you said...I know it's Noboru's mom. And so I keep trying. And getting hurt by her. trying, getting hurt by her. And sometime we get along. Which is a shock!
So now, if I have some problem I just tell Noboru. And let him deal with her! Anything bad needs to be said, I let it come out of her son's (Noboru's) mouth! That way, she can't blame me for anything anymore! Ha! After being with my hubby for the past 13 years, I'm finally getting the hang of dealing with my MIL! : )
Apologies if it's too long, but same as you, even thinking of my MIL can really fire me up! : )
Oh My God.I am stunned.The meal and wallet story are bad enough but honestly,letting your little guy try beer?WTF is that about???I am frothing at the mouth on your behalf here!!
After your comments on my blog, I thought I would go and check out yours again. I feel your pain! Okay, she drinks more beer than the average person, don't you think? I suppose you could tell Hiro that only "grandmas" drink beer and that other people drink milk or juice. Anyway, all this talk about wicked witches. My MIL happens to have a collection of witches in her genkan! Their are 9 of them of various types and sizes hanging from a horizontal pole. She has been collecting them since she traveled to the USA for the first time (our wedding), my husband commented that it must scare the delivery men/women when she opens the door to accept packages! I am sure it does!
oh mande, i didn't even get into her beer drinking! ;) although she has (had?) diabetes, she drank beer (more than just a can) every afternoon! i soon found out why my recycle bin was full of cans. *sigh*
in general i'd have to say she's a pretty ok MIL, but she has her spectacular moments...
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