when i was little i was afraid of the dark. very afraid. i would beg my parents not to turn out the light and close the door at bedtime, but they did. i would lie awake and cry in the dark. i had a nightlight and it helped, but god forbid it should ever fail. sometimes in the early hours of the morning i would get brave enough to jump out of bed and race into my parents' room. i would ask my mom to let me into bed with her. i always asked my mom, and she always let me in. i would lie on the edge of the mattress, warm and safe with my mom, sleeping.

when i was a bit older, i found it very difficult to go to sleep if my parents weren't awake. i needed to hear the television when my parents watched programs at night. i got really scared if they went to bed when i was still awake, as if it was more dangerous then if a robber or murderer came to our house.

eventually, though, i found that i needed a very dark room in order to fall asleep. i no longer needed a nightlight, or the hallway light to help me go to sleep. in fact, the neighbor's floodlight glared into my room and i had to make sure the blinds were closed tight. even now it's hard for me to sleep during the day, even though i think a nap would be a good thing for me now and then.

when i finally lived on my own, it was in japan. i had a cozy apartment provided by my employer. i felt safe and rarely needed any light at night to go to sleep. but something changed after i moved in with yoshi. when he was gone, either on business or to visit his parents, i was very scared and had to sleep with the light on. but then, we were living in a house, not an apartment on the fourth floor, and i worried about whether or not someone could get in. obviously, i've survived that.

there really isn't any point to this post, i'm just tired of writing letters. tomorrow we'll be heading south, so tomorrow's post will probably be by keitai. happy golden week to those of you in japan.