i don't know exactly why i want this baby out now. part of it is i just want to spend every moment with my mom when she gets here (and if the baby doesn't come today, that's not going to happen), which is selfish of me, and i really need to get over it...i need to be here when she arrives so i can take her through the kitchen and teach her how to use the stove and microwave. that is, if the baby doesn't come today. and sasha was two weeks early. that made me expect this one early, too. i know that if this baby comes early then that might mean a 'visit' from my in-laws, and i don't want that to happen. what to do, what to do?!

mom is scheduled to arrive on monday evening. if the baby is born today, i will go home on tuesday. but yoshi is working this weekend--overnight. i'm afraid that if i have this baby before the weekend, my in-laws (or worse, my MIL) will be 'invited' over to take care of hiro and sasha. and i will be in the clinic and unable to prevent it. even if i don't go into labor before the weekend, i'm afraid they'll be 'invited' over just in case i do over the weekend. i mean, someone will have to take me to the clinic and watch the kids.

'please baby, if you're coming, do it today or tomorrow, or wait for monday! please!'

oh sure, there's the extreme uncomfortable-ness of late pregnancy (38w4d, thank you very much), the contractions, the pressure, the squirming baby, the heartburn, constipation, even some nausea. i just want to get it over with. and i'm looking forward to breastfeeding (though i know i'll probably get tired of it by six months). i just want to sit down and cry. enough already, let's get it on! but...i need patience. i need to enjoy this time. sasha is growing more confident with her walking. hiro actually goes to the toilet before production (though that doesn't always mean he actually goes in the toilet, poor guy). the weather has drastically changed (and is pleasant, for however long that will last. i hate autumn. tease.)

oh, and completely unrelated: yesterday i made split-pea soup in the slow cooker, but didn't add enough water. it was delicious, but paste. we liked it, but it's weird to eat soup paste....

sasha was two weeks early, and i didn't have that unreal sensation of waiting and waiting last time. but i kind of remember it with hiro. resting on the couch and watching tv. or using the internet. i can't do that so much this time. i really want this to end, although i know i'll miss being pregnant later on. *sigh* this is the hardest part. and i'm so damn impatient.

with all my complaining about yoshi lately, i thought i should write something nice. something he did that was nice. on saturday i had another prenatal appointment. when we got to the clinic, i really really really had to pee, so i jumped out of the car and headed in, and left yoshi to deal with the kids. they came in while i was still in the restroom, and i could hear them. even though there were several people waiting in the lounge, yoshi only spoke to the kids in english. i never noticed that before: in public, yoshi often talks to the kids in english. i don't think yoshi notices it, either. oh, when we're talking with neighbors, or even occasionally in the house, he uses japanese, but it makes me happy that he uses english more.

the appointment was VERY disappointing because there is no progress on the baby front. none. i am tired of all the contractions, pressure and discomfort with nothing to show for it. *sigh*

at the moment, sasha is asleep and my husband has gone somewhere with hiro. it is quiet, and i cannot express in words how awesome that is. *sigh* earlier today i asked yoshi if he had tomorrow off (japanese holiday: respect for the aged day) and he said he did. a couple of hours later, though, when hiro and sasha were fighting over yogurt, yoshi declared loudly, 'i have to work tomorrow!' ah, how nice is that? i would almost love to have a job again. granted, my options are fairly limited, but oh, to be able to get away from the kids for a few hours. and to have some extra money. yeah, go ahead darling, go to work tomorrow.

yesterday i had an appointment at my clinic. 33w6d and everything is fine. well, except for the small amount of protein in my urine. no swelling and my blood pressure is fine, but it is significant enough for my doctor to mention it--and to tell me to avoid salt. i feel great though, and the baby moves a lot. i just get so tired, so easily. and it's been extra hot these past two days, no doubt caused by the typhoon (which thankfully passed to the west of us, though korea may not be too happy about it.) after my appointment, i went to the kashii higashihama aeon, but before too long i missed my kids and went home. but...the noise and slight resentment from yoshi made me wish i took a few more minutes to myself....we are young, and we are learning.

i really wanted to go to a park with yoshi and the kids this weekend. hiro, sasha and i went to hibiki green park (check flickr for pictures) and it was nice, but i got exhausted and having one more adult with us would have made it more fun. by the time we were near the toddler-friendly playground, i just couldn't help hiro (or sasha) play. only six more weeks until my due date.

i saw a picture on flickr the other day of a plate of something from a mexican restaurant (in seattle). it reminded me of a place i sometimes went to with my mother. this little 'hole in the wall' (except it wasn't really that small) on marion between second and third (or was that third and fourth?) they closed because the building they were in was being knocked down. i don't know if it came back to downtown seattle or not. it was really good, though. the chips and salsa were great, we always asked for more before our order arrived at our table. and i really loved the refried beans and rice there for some reason. i think i would always order the chalupa. i never really liked mexican food. too spicy i think. until i moved to japan. yes, i think the chinese food is better in the us, but it's available here. and italian food here pretty much bites the big one. but there is practically NO mexican food here in japan, and boy do i miss it! last night i was thinking about that restaurant and craving the chips (tostidos and other nachos are just not the same as restaurant chips) and wishing i could have the beans and rice. *sigh* maybe i'm due for a trip home. even if i only get to go to azteca.

how is it i feel constipated when i have a BM every day? very very icky feeling. my least favorite of pregnancy (with heartburn a close second. obviously, i've never had morning sickness.) sorry for the tmi right off the bat, but that's how i've been feeling for about two weeks. it's kind of weird. first, i had bad constipation. i really won't delve into why it's so nasty for me, let's just say that after a while, if things aren't regular, my bowels revolt. so, i asked my doctor for some medication (laxitives) which i have only taken once. ugh. it's just been icky.


ok, enough unpleasantness. we are otherwise doing well here. sasha can crawl anywhere (and so far hasn't managed to crawl off the step in the genkan), she can pull herself up into a sitting position and now can pull herself to standing (usually with the kotatsu, but also she tries really hard with my leg.) hiro is talking more. he is even using some japanese with yoshi. for example, he's really into pointing out airplanes. to me, he'll say, 'airplane!' with yoshi, however, he usually says, 'hikoki!' it's really cute. have i written about this before? seems like i've said that before...

we bought some lanterns for the garden. they have solar panels that recharge batteries, so we don't really have to worry about them. this year the garden is pretty much going to look like crap. we didn't even get a vegetable patch going. i bought some seeds, and i though yoshi was going to help me with that (especially since the yard is mostly sand, though weeds grow in it well, and i don't know where to go, or even inquire, for top soil) but he's really let that go. ah well, the seeds should work next year, right? he really has no time, and he thinks he's going to build a wooden deck. ha! of course, we much rather spend time together as a family, and with only one income at the moment, it's not like we can afford to pay someone to make one, but...well, someday i may have a yard.

i lost my camera over the weekend. that really upset me, mostly because i love to take pictures (if you hadn't noticed). i also had a good amount of pictures on the memory card in my camera, i am sad to lose them. most of them i had downloaded, but the pictures i took just before losing the camera are gone forever. ah well, most of them were more boring aquarium photos.

it's finally hot here. pleasantly warm for me. pretty soon we'll have to break out the fans. and i don't know if we'll be using the air conditioner at night. we still need to get one for the upstairs bedroom, but since we don't have a bed, or any clean floor space to sleep on, i guess it's not very important at the moment.

sasha is crawling all over the place now. she used to do an inch-worm kind of movement, and then army crawling. now she's almost got the mechanics down, though she still manages to fall forward onto her face. today she is also drooling a LOT so some teeth may be in her near future.

hiro talks a lot now, mainly in english. sometimes he just babbles along and i swear he's just doing it to make noise, not communicate. sometimes. he also seems to mix english and japanese (mainly with 'ne' at the end of sentences) which indicates to me that he doesn't quite understand that they're two different languages yet. of course, he rarely gets any japanese most days so it's not surprising.

i just started feeling movement last night. and so it begins. actually, i don't mind feeling a baby moving, it's actually hiccups that drive me crazy. as my mother calls it, chinese water torture! but i'm sure i have several more weeks before i begin to feel those.

anything new in your part of the world?

one of the cool things about being pregnant are the stories my mom tells me. my mom is just cool anyway, as most people who have met her will tell you, but she always has funny stories, too. i'm always asking her questions and 'did this happen to you?' things. i really hope i'm like my mom when i give birth (well, the fast part, not the screaming for drugs part...) i remember all the stories she told me about when i was born. i even remind her of things she forgot.

like, a week ago, a typhoon was heading for japan and i told her i wished it would come here to fukuoka and make me go into labor. it reminded her of something that happened to her when she was pregnant with me: while in cuba, a hurricane was headed their way and all the 'preggers' were forced to stay in a cave so that they wouldn't give birth. LOL the hurricane never really made it to cuba, and the typhoon didn't really reach all the way up here. it rained a lot and sure was windy, but the barometric pressure didn't change and i didn't give birth.

i really miss hanging out with my mom sometimes.

ok, so where's the sensitivity? hmmmm? let's just say that being ten months pregnant does not make a happy woman. we are quite usually irritable. don't try us. and don't think your 'haven't you had that baby yet?' jokes are funny. they aren't. believe me, no one wants that baby out more than the woman carrying that baby at 40 weeks (or, in my case, at 38) and later. please don't joke with us. please don't be rude. and please don't be so selfish. it pisses me off.

ok, that said....

i've been having cramps for the past four days. but still no baby. and i can't go to the clinic every day for a check up, so i don't know if there's any progress. SO STOP ASKING. just wait. have patience. YOU don't have to carry around all this extra weight, so BACK OFF.

oops, sorry....

so, yesterday yoshi and i went shopping. we bought a baby sling and a diaper pail. still feel unprepared. oh well, nothing i can do about that. we met a couple from new zealand with seven month old twins. very cute babies! even though i walked around a lot, i still haven't gone into labor. now it's just a waiting game. so i'm waiting. it seems like forever. i kinda envy those women who don't find out right away about the pregnancy. i've known since about a week after conception. man, this has been the longest ten months of my life! not that i want time to speed up. i want to enjoy life. but i also want my baby.

so, on tuesday we went to the clinic. apparently, my cervix has dilated zero centimeters. the doctor seemed concerned about that for some reason. so, he told me to walk.

ok, so today i walked to the grocery store. it's a couple of kilometers from my house, but seems doable. i even took my own bag (see, protecting the environment!) the weather was perfect for walking: sun shining but a nice cool breeze to keep from over heating. of course, i had to go to the bathroom ten minutes after i started, but that's ok.

we live in a really nice part of town. it's really quiet. i had to walk through rice and soybean fields (well, not through exactly. the road cuts through the fields) and it's so quiet and peaceful. i really enjoyed my walk.

on the way home, yoshi drove by. he even stopped to say hi. 'hey pretty girl' he said to me. isn't he sweet? i asked him to take the groceries home, but he said he wasn't going that way. *sigh* it did get a bit heavy on the way home.

the weather is actually making me homesick. today was perfect soccer-playing weather. if you ever played rec soccer in western washington, you know exactly what i'm talking about. it was one of those no clouds in the sky, bright sun but cool air kind of days. i'm glad i could be out and about in that perfect day, but i kind of wish i had some friends to walk to the mall or play soccer with. well, really i wish i could be ten years old again, but that's not going to happen.

it feels like freaking forever! there were so many things that i would just think, 'hey, i would write this on my blog.' yeah, well, i've never been one for writing things in a journal, so they'll just mainly have to be memories in my head. sorry. hah!

i will talk about the clinic, though. it's fantastic. really great. and the doctor is so nice. i'm looking forward to the most painful thing in my life. no, really. as long as i get to stay in that nice clinic for a few days...