i feel like i've lost my writing touch. not that i think i was a fabulous writer before, but i am really having a lot of trouble lately. more so since i got back from the hospital. sometimes i come up with posts in my head (as you do) but when i sit down to write, it just doesn't come out right. i usually come up with three or four sentences when i felt like i had that many paragraphs in my head.

i wonder if it's from being sick. not that i felt horrible all the time, but obviously i had an infection and was probably suffering from a low-grade fever all summer. not the best summer for that, since it was so damn hot this year! i thought i blogged about a really bad episode that just happened to occur during my period two or three months ago, but i can't find it (i remember because some people suggested maybe my pain came from dehydration.) i'm pretty sure now that it was a gall bladder 'attack', that went away within a day and so i didn't go to another doctor (i did go to the emergency hospital late at night, just as i did last month). maybe it happened earlier in the year? this post hints that it may have happened in april. anyway, i think being sick really slowed me down this summer, and sapped my creativity.

if i may, let me talk about my recent illness. ha. my pain mainly came from my gall bladder. i have several stones, perhaps ten, maybe more, maybe less. they cannot be removed, they will always be there. certain foods will irritate it and make the rocks move around and if they block a duct, then it will be PAIN CITY for me. it's a part of digestion and that's why i was on a drip for six (five?) days. at the hospital, they would only give me 'food' (whatever they give you in the drip) about every 12 hours, so i would get hungry by hour 8 or whatever. i'd say, i'm hungry, and they'd tell me i couldn't eat anything. yeah, i got that but dude, my stomach is growling, gimme a bag of stuff to 'eat!' *sigh* i didn't really miss eating until maybe the fourth or fifth day (although on facebook i kept posting about all the foods i wanted to eat). the pain was really bad the first four days, though maybe on the fourth day i could wait the full eight hours before the next dose of pain medication. it was so awful, i can't even describe the pain. a couple of times the pain was in my stomach (gall bladder) and my back (kidney stone) but to be honest, i hardly noticed the kidney stone pain. the doctor thought (at first) that i was suffering from the kidney stone but after he spoke to yoshi on my second day of hospitalization, he realized that yeah, i was probably feeling pain from my gall bladder (we had had a party that saturday night and the only thing really available for me to eat--because i was stuck at the kids' table--was karaage, ebifurai, fried fish, steak (which was actually prepared quite well), spaghetti (which was awful) and a huge platter of sashimi.) i didn't eat the sashimi because i didn't have a beer (and i usually can only eat sashimi like that if i have beer to wash it down) or the nasty spaghetti. i mainly ate the karaage because it was all cold and it was the only thing that tasted ok to me. but apparently deep fried foods agitate the gall bladder. and alcohol doesn't help the matter (after the party we went to a neighbor's house and i finally got to have a beer. then i tried some shochu, but i hate shochu so i only had a few sips) and then i got sick that night. which is really really sad because the food was awful. i mean, if you're gonna get so sick, at least it would be for something that just tasted so fantastic, you know?? *sigh*

it was a shock to have gallstones, to say the least, and then to be hospitalized? that was awful. i didn't really rest all that much the first few days because of the pain. then i was terribly lonely. i didn't really get to know my roommates (and then we got the roommate from hell, i'm sure she was worse than me!!) so i didn't talk to them, yoshi would bring hiro and sasha in the evenings but only stay a few minutes and so i really missed tommy. i guess it was nice to sleep by myself at night, but i couldn't sleep on my right side (pain) or my left side (iv) and if i lie on my back for too long, it starts to hurt (old back injury) so i was hardly comfortable and sleeping well! oh well, at least it's over, and if i do have to spend more time in the hospital, i think we'll be better prepared.

anyway, back to writing, i don't know if writing every day will help. i will make an effort. i think i need to start taking pictures, too, even of little insignificant things. this will pass and i will feel better!