i found that i have jealous tendencies when i was in junior high. not exactly romantic in nature, because i was jealous of my best friend's new best friend. actually, i lost that best friend, because i wasn't cool enough, but the new friend had cool friends and well, i just didn't belong. i didn't realize how much of a jerk i was being (hey, she was entitled to her friends) until the new girl called me and asked if i was jealous of her. woah, that really hit me, and i 'let my friend go'. in high school, a close friend called my previous best friend 'popular', and i guess she achieved her goal, so good for her. but i was really hurt by her, and i try not to be clingy.

i do find that i am jealous of friends, from time to time. i do not like this about myself, but i do not know how to change it, to change myself. and so, i have these negative feelings, and then depression, and even if i try to like something about me, about my life sometimes i fail.

why do i have to be jealous?