i don't really have a title for this at the moment. i think i just want to practice some free writing and we'll see where it takes me.

the previous post was kind of an "overwhelmed at the moment" kind of thing. i wasn't really feeling all that blue but when i put those first thoughts down it just kind of snowballed. i did feel a bit sad, but it really felt like a wave of PMS crashing down on me. i'm ok, i'm ok with being at home, with spending time with children. and it's not so much me being hard on myself, it's more like, how is yoshi going to react to this fucking mess when he gets home? (he's a lot better than he used to be, i think because he spends a lot of time with them on the weekends recently and knows how it can be. you know, like when he cleans up in the kitchen after a meal and tommy falls down the stairs (man, that pisses me off, when he starts cleaning like we're expecting the emperor tomorrow and HAVE TO CLEAN RIGHT NOW. he's like a robot sometimes. must. clean.) so he gets it when i tell him the housework falls to the wayside when kids are around. he doesn't quite get that i don't do a lot while the kids are sleeping but experience has taught me that cleaning can wake children. and then nothing gets done AND i'm even more stressed out because half-clean house + no relaxing quiet time during the day = stressed out me.) so although he's good about it most of the time, i really stress about how yoshi is going to be when he gets home. that's why i was pretty excited on monday, when hiro did some tidying up. sasha is nearly to a tidying up age, too (but also old enough to say 'no' and really mean it), so maybe if they both do it together more can get done. they also love to vacuum, which i hate, so i need to let them do that. problem is, they all fight over the vacuum (even tommy) and the screaming is absolutely no compensation for the clean!

anyway, yesterday we didn't do much. my kids are milk devouring little monsters! i usually only had to buy two 1-liter cartons of milk every few days, so i was only buying milk a couple of times a week. but on tuesday i bought two cartons of milk, and although we had a half-full one at home already it was all gone yesterday! so, i bought four cartons yesterday (went to the store just before lunch) and we opened the third one this morning! well, i did make hamburger helper for lunch yesterday but still, that's a lot of milk! i think yoshi is using it to mix up the aojiru for the kids, which is fine, but now we need to buy a couple gallons of milk a week! maybe we should invest in a cow. ;)

on wednesday we went to kuri's house to play with the pinglet. well, the kids played with pinglet while kuri and i talked. and watch kids. they all went in the pool (and i need to recharge the camera's battery so i can get the photos that i took uploaded), twice, once before and again after, lunch. it's kind of a long drive so the kids fell asleep on the way home. i took the interchange, which was kind of a mistake because tommy woke up just as i pulled into a rest area (i was tired and needed a pick-me-up). it was just a little grump, something a little driving around can fix but i had to stop (you can't circle the parking lot in these rest areas--not safely anyway) so he fully woke up while i was getting a drink. *sigh* he didn't have a lot of sleep that afternoon and was mr. grumpy but thankfully hiro and sasha slept through it and didn't wake up until we got home.

today we have no plans but the kids have already lost their morning treat for going to mr. donut by fighting. i'm a big pushover, though so we just might go anyway. *sigh* i am tired of the screaming and it's not even eight in the morning! wish i could just send them all to the park...only one more week and then hiro goes to school (well, one week and one day, since hiro goes back on the first, which is a tuesday.) here's hoping today will be peaceful....