that this evening my living room is a complete and utter wreck?! i mean, compared to yesterday when we were stuck at home?? maybe because we had dinner inside. and, hiro hasn't tidied up (and he may not, who's to say?)
i feel like i'm stuck. stuck in a rut? stuck in life? i don't know, but because i have three small children that i stay at home with i feel like i'm going nowhere. that i can't go anywhere. i don't mean changing location, exactly, but that i can't do anything for me. i've gained *more* than ten kilos since tommy was born. that's way more than anything i gained after hiro, and more than i gained in the six months before tommy was conceived. i can't exercise. i'm stressed so much that i eat loads of sugar, and drink far too much coca cola. i don't work. i do get to do a lot of crafts, but to what end? it's not like i'm selling them or even have someone in mind when i make most things.
ugh. i feel like i'm not explaining myself well. and i should probably check the calendar to see if this is just a bout of PMS. whine whine whine, complain complain complain, that's me. it's not that i think i need to be perfect, and i definitely know that i'm lucky to be a SAHM at the moment. i know that this is temporary, that things will change as the children get older. maybe not easier, exactly, it seems to me that life gets more complicated as children get older. but when they can start doing things for themselves (i need to start running a tally: how many glasses of milk, how many diaper changes and potty inspections, etc. then again, it would probably just depress me more...but i seriously wish sasha could get her own cup of milk at this point!) i think that i will start to handle it all better. one reason i listed all the things i did yesterday is that it's pretty rare for me to do half those things most days. felt like an accomplishment for sure!
all we did today was go to the grocery store, but now i feel like i've been flattened out. and i have a headache. everyone took long naps today so no one is tired right now. but yoshi is home so who knows what the rest of the evening will be like. we will be meeting up with kuri and pinglet tomorrow, so we are looking forward to that. here's hoping tomorrow will be better than today!
November 16, 2024
4 hours ago
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17 comments:
I know I almost never comment these days, but after reading this I just wanted to let you know that you are absolutely NOT alone!! My days are almost a carbon copy of yours, minus the extra child and plus my f***ing PhD dissertation. We wake up. The same old breakfast as every day (breakfast being the easiest meal of the day, since no one seems to have strong preferences about it). Husband wakes up, leaves. Much free time ensues (= diaper changing, butt wiping, drink pouring, snack negotiating, TV, etc.). On nice days we go for a walk (the nearest park is driving distance away, and we only have one car that M. and I have to share). Lately, it's been so freaking hot that we've been cooped up inside w/ the A/C.
Then lunchtime, my second-least favorite time of day, since currently NO ONE likes ANYTHING to eat besides crap food.
Then comes naptime (cleaning, writing on diss, Mommynapping when I've just reached my limit).
Then more snack negotiations, Sesame Street, playing, and dinnertime (least favorite time of day, since lunchtime issues get amplified and everyone is cranky by now).
Bedtime - toddler goes down well (right now - but he's still in a crib); preschooler goes down well IF she's had no nap. If nap has happened, it's at least 9:30 before she finally settles down.
End of day: too tired to bathe. Too tired to cook for M. and myself. Too tired to work. Just want to sleep.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I always take some consolation in reading about your everyday events; the good stuff always seems very well deserved, and the everyday stuff helps me realize that it's not just me feeling like this. Maybe it'll help to know that it's not just you, either. ;)
Otagai ni ganbarimasho yo!
Oh! And the weight...the weight. Sigh...I hear ya.
Ahhh, when I had a 2yo and a newborn all the way through to when I had a 3 1/2 yo and a 1 1/2 yo I spent every day feeling like I was on a drudgery treadmill. Partly my own fault for cloth nappy/ home made babyfooding them but still it just felt like weeks could go by without any change to the daily grind. And now? Now with them both at kinder I get lonely!!
Very very weird....
Be kind to yourself now and make plan for the future. :)
I see you on the every day the same treadmill. And I only have one kid!! But just the daily run of the mill stuff is hard enough to get through, right. I feel that by the time we get up, have breakfast, take dog for walk, have snacks, do a little (as little as possible) housework, have lunch, have nap, have snack, take dog for afternoon walk via supermarket, then prepare dinner, hubby is already home asking what we did today.And when I say "oh, we made it to the supermarket" I feel like is that *it*??
I think it is amazing that you can find time do crafts with three kids to look after!
Not much longer until school goes back - hang in there!
I've totally felt like that for 5-6years in a row. My mom says it takes two years to totally recover from childbirth. Like you, I had my kids close together so I never knew what she was talking about. I was always pregnant before my then youngest turned two. Today Natsuki turned 3 and I have to say that I've noticed a huge difference throughout this last year. We actually went to a waterpark and an amusement park last week and there were no major problems. We didn't have to bring strollers, special food, extra sets of clothes and although Natsuki's still in diaper (mostly my fault), I could see how things have gotten so much easier for us. I'm really looking forward to the next few years. (until puberty!)
Shit, bugger and crap. Full time kindy -thats all I can say on the matter. I would be being admitted to an institution if I was a proper SAHM like you. I love them but the simple (yeah right) of feeding, clothing and keeping them entertained is so tiring. It wouldn't be so bad if they listened to you from day one.
Hope you get to see the pinglett today!!
I'm just very happy to see that I'm not the only exhausted Mama at the end of the day (or in the middle of it). Yep, only one kiddo. But, now that she is three and the three year old terribleness is hiding behind a cloud - I find myself having FUN with her.
And about your crafts. Just so you know, I think you are really really talented! I hope that you can do something with that talent someday. Maybe an etsy store or whatever those are! Or whatever your heart calls you to!
I hope your day is wonderful!
Actually one of the things that's surprised me about having kids is that life is NOT all the same every day forever. Maybe in long stretches it is, but they keep changing and growing and life definitely gets more diverse as they grow older.
I know I've told you this before, but I really think you'd benefit from a few hours work a week, if you can get it, and part-time day care. A four-hour stretch cost us only 800yen. She had to go three times a week, which isn't too much.
You could try leaving drinks and snacks on the kitchen table for them to help themselves too. Not everyday as it's a dreadful mess, but maybe once a week you could have 'help yourself day' and plant yourself on the sofa to watch movies or a drama series.
Have a day when you don't go near the computer. That always makes me feel like I'm sprung out of my routine, ha ha!
Or an 'upstairs' day. Picnic upstairs, sort out the clothes, or just read a book there instead of going downstairs.
I used to clean a different part of the house each day, and I used to go to visit my MIL nearly every day when Amy was a baby, not so often when I had the two of them though. It may be a headache to get out of the house, but you feel so much better about your day when you do.
Hang in there! Summer hols over soon!
Wow, your post brings back memories when my older two were little and I was a mostly-SAHM in Los Angeles. I rmember thinking, "How can I be so exhaustingly BUSY all the time, and yet have nothing to show for it at the end of the day?"
I joined a gym that had childcare -- rode an exercise bike, did yoga. It was really cheap, but I know in Japan, something like it would probably NOT be cheap.
You just have to take it day by day, and concentrate on the little things that get you through each day.
My life now is tough, adjusting to Tokyo again and my stressful job -- but it's not as tough as it was more than a decade ago, when I was home with tiny kids.
Hnag in there!!!
It will get better. I have two boys, 17 and 20, and I remember when they were little that I felt like my world was very small, and I was losing myself completely. But now I miss them being little and have lots of time to myself, go to the library, do part time work and have time for friends. I enjoy being with my kids when they want to be with me, but they are very self sufficient (as we raised them to be)and we have real conversations. It's fun.
MIJ visitor here. I'm not a mum so when I look at what you do I don't see you not getting much done, I instead wonder how you can do it all! I can't imagine how I'll cope with everything when kids come along.
Seems like there were some great comments already left here for you. Hope you're feeling a bit lighter and brighter already.
Hey there, actually I think you explained yourself really well and I totally know where you're coming from. I agree with a previous commenter, I think you'd really benefit from taking up some work outside the home.
I know its hard to consider when you feel like its enough of a struggle to cope with the at home stuff. And being a working mum (even part time like me) is really busy, but in a good way. It's not twice as much work as when you're all at home less, there's less tidying up etc. to do. Its great to get out of the house and be in a different environment, engaging with different human beings for a while.
Don't think of it purely in financial terms either. If it doesn't make financial sense (ie. what you earn would all go to paying to put the kids in daycare) that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. By working you are keeping/getting your "foot in the door" of the paid work world and possibly getting new or at least more recent skills/experience and of course the all important change of scene! I have a friend who works so that she can put her kids in daycare twice a week, not the other way around!
Seriously though, if you're not happy you need to think about how you can change your situation, and then take action. You don't have to put up with how you're feeling. And how you're feeling it entirely valid.
I can relate completely. I felt that way most of the summer when the heat has kept me in and out of the sun. Like all I have done in a day is gone to the grocery store and made supper. I live for days where I get to do something different. Hugs to you!
Totally agree w/ Rachel and Violet. Like Violet's friend, I only work to pay for E's tuition! I don't make any extra money, though I could if I was willing to work more, but I'm not! LOL
Getting sometime for yourself is sooooo important! Being in preschool is so good for Ethan too, being stuck at home w/ Mommy all day isn't much fun, and it's so important to develop those social skills (his AND mine LOL)
But it *will* get better, I promise!
I always appreciate your comments on my blog(^^) and sorry I don't leave mine here. Reading English articles takes time for me.
I also go through PMS and it's really bad. I'm always irritated and tired. Especially when my kids or husband are around, things are easy to get bad. So I try to be alone in PC room longer than usual during PMS. But after a few days (or a week), I feel better. I hope you will feel better soon. Amari muri wo shinaide kudasai ne!
(Don't push yourself too hard)
I too am relieved I'm not the only one feeling in a rut, I feel like I never do anything different, ever!
SAHMsare so underappreciated it's not funny. Maybe we should install cameras in our houses and broadcast what we do everyday.
I'm finding it hard to exercise and lose weight these days between feeding and whatnot, must be three times as tough with 3 little monsters!
I hope today is a better day, I'm sure when school goes back it will get better.
Hang in there!
Hoping you have a better day tomorrow and hugs to you! Everyone is right, you know, it's hard work. Don't be too hard on yourself!
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