when hiro was born, i could just hold him for hours and hours. i would wrap him up in blankets and hold him while he slept. that was the best thing. he was so soft, especially his little palms, and so cuddly. oddly, he didn't have a distinct smell to me. i could never say, 'i love his smell.' that used to bother me, but doesn't any more.

with hiro it was so easy. it was just the two of us (especially after yoshi was sent to kagoshima for a few months). i could hold him or let him sleep, nurse him, play with him, give him a bath. with two children, it's different.

i wanted to hold sasha all the time, too. and hold her and hold her and hold her. and she smelled so good. when we were in the clinic, yoshi kept hiro. and then yoshi's mom stayed with them (which was a good thing and a bad thing...) so i got five days alone with her. and i wrapped her in blankets and held her. i held her when i went for a walk around the clinic. i held her when i went to the vending machine. i would have held her when i took a shower, but that probably would have been too much.

even with all the holding, it was pretty easy for me to let someone else hold my baby. i easily hand one over to a family member or close friend. when i was new at having two, i would have to give sasha up so i could spend time with hiro. but i would miss holding the baby.

now sasha crawls away from me. i can still hold her sometimes, but she is growing up. as a matter of fact, she's having a raspberry contest with hiro. little monkeys. i really hope they continue to be close. anyway, i also really hope that i can continue to hold them.