last night yoshi came home early. as in, i think he walked through the door before 6 pm. it was total chaos. i think he really got to see what life with three small children is really like. i was making dinner, nursing tommy and trying to keep hiro and sasha from fighting. dinner was a disaster, because i was making something i hadn't tried before (note to self: buy frozen pizza). hiro and sasha hadn't napped much and were really getting tired, and so they were fighting--hitting and screaming--and basically putting my nerves on edge. and poor tommy. he was so hungry but i had to keep breaking up our nursing session and break up fights, stir tomato sauce and try to cook pasta. and it was so messy. right around dinner time, especially if i've given the kids something they can eat on their own, i start tidying up. sometimes i get hiro to help me, but most of the time i do it. it's not perfect, but at least it's not the total disaster that it becomes most days. anyway, with yoshi home i could get him to eat with the kids and i could finish nursing tommy, but it was hard.
i find myself screaming a lot--at hiro. he is at such a difficult stage. i am not the most patient person and with my pregnancy hormones, hiro is getting the brunt of it (my lack of patience.) i have ordered some books from amazon, mostly about how to talk to your children and also something on sibling rivalry. i think i need to get another one about three-year-olds because i really need all the help i can get.
today i went to the mall with the kids and it was a total disaster. i actually took hiro and tommy back to the car and put them in their car seats so i could take sasha back with me and get my shopping done. it's true, i left the kids in the car. when i got back, hiro was asleep even though it was barely noon. then i understood: he had woken up too early and that's what made him so cranky. i was near tears because i have no baby sitter, no family, no drop-in child care so that i can just go to the store and get something as simple as dinner or as special as christmas presents. it sucks. i know that this was my choice but it is so hard. so hard.
April 25, 2024
9 hours ago
6 comments:
(Hugs) Great big giant and this-too-shall-pass hugs. My kids at 9 and 5, exactly four and a half years apart, are quite a bit older than your brood but I still have those hair pulling moments of frustration. If I could splinter myself down the center like some strange life form on Star Trek and become 2 mommies, I would, and often!
Instead, I scream. I need to work on that too.
A good book on Sibling Rivarly is "Siblings without Rivarly" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. (they are also the authors of
"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk") I need to re-read both books.
I used to HATE on-line shopping, being a very hands on kind of shopper, but now, food co-op, online shopping, anything that cuts down on the necessity of having to go out of my home with both kids in tow, is a good, good thing.
For now I try to just breath through it all. When I scream too much I give myself a time out. (literally. "Mommy needs a time out." and I go hide around the corner/in the kitchen, in the toilet for a few minutes.) When they were 4 and a new born my time outs were sometimes accomplished by wearing earplugs and just counting to myself.
Sarah from Mommyinjapan has more kids, closer in age to yours and probably better advice. Sarah?
Laura
Man, it sounds tough. (And here I am terrified at the thought of having one!)
I here here coarse gold girl's suggestion of online shopping. I hate it too--I hate shopping in general--but I bet if you could do more of it online...might be better for you during this stage.
Good luck...it'll get better.
I have been there. I'm glad you shared with us what you're going through so we can help you out. Someone's gotta say something that will help you!
My 3-year-old is driving me crazy, too. I always thought 2 would be a difficult age but I've found 1 and 3 to be way more trying. Two things that really help me are to remember that my kids won't always be like this, so dependant, so uncontrollable. One day they will grow up and be able to eat, pee, change their clothes, etc. without me and that will be a wonderful day. Until then I try to take one day at a time.
When I had newborns and toddlers, I only made one plan for each day. One day it would be to make dinner (instead of something instant) and another day it would be laundry and another day it would be grocery shopping. The rest of the day would just be spent working up the energy to do it and then recuperating afterwards.
Like you noticed, sleep makes a really big difference in kids at this age so if my kids woke up early (or late) then their behavior would be different than normal. That doesn't mean that bad behavior is OK but that I would be more aware that something might be coming and be more prepared to deal with it! Time-outs are awesome for 3-year-olds because it gives them a chance to calm down and receive instruction better. One book that I really like is Childwise. It gave some really practical advice like teaching kids to say "Yes, Mommy" after you've told them to do something. First, it means that they heard you and second, they agree with you. It cuts down on the crazy by about half. Then after that I can deal with disobedience as opposed to when they just didn't hear me. I give one minute per year of age for time-outs and I have them sit on a chair in the kitchen facing away from everyone (to minimize distraction, not to be mean). It makes a huge difference plus it gives me a chance to calm down, too. Sasha is too little for time-outs but if you have a highchair you could strap her in there with a cracker so that she can calm down and give Hiro a break.
I also like to give the kids separate play areas. For example, Sakura can sit at the table and color but Natsuki will play on the floor with the toys. I'll move from one kid to the other to keep them interested in what they're doing. Eventually they don't need me and I can do something else.
This is probably the most difficult time, when Tommy is so little. It will get better but until then remember that they will grow out of it and then just take one day at a time. Those two thoughts helped me out the most. Once Tommy is around six months, his schedule will adapt to Hiro & Sasha's and then things will become a little more normal.
I might comment again if I think of something else. Please feel free to e-mail me (my e-mail address is on my profile page) if you'd like to talk some more.
wow!
Is that legal in Japan?? Because here it is sooo not legal.
Honey- You need to ask someone for some help. Having no family sucks! You need someone, you need some one to help you at least once a week. If not more. YOu need to find some resource.
You also need to find a way to grasp some patience. It is hard but for your sake and theirs you need to calm down and not loose your temper. You also DEF need to buy frozen dinners. There is no way you should be cooking anything that requires time or effort.
I hope your doing better, and remember this too shall pass! Soon they will be all in school. :)
One of my dearest friends warned me that Three is the worst age ... and I could agree more. There is a book called Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy ... the advise in it kinda sucks but the way the author describes three year olds is amazing and enlightening. I have struggled with a baby and a three year old this year (not to mention you have another!) and it is tough. Is there any programs you could get him involved in? That seemed to help Becca the most programs at the library and swimming class.
HUGS
For the shopping, at least for grocery and household items, I would suggest joining a co-op. They will deliver everything right to the door. It takes a bit of organization and meal planning as they only deliver once a week and you have to order a week in advance, but it is a life saver when you have little kids who make shopping and running errands a nightmare. They have them all over Japan so I am sure there is one or more in your area.
You also might consider something like Yoshikei that can deliver ingredients for a full meal to your house every day except Sunday. Some of their meals are all made from scratch by you; they just bring the stuff. Others are all convenience boil in the bag or microwave stuff. Some of them are a combo of both. Just depends on what you order. It is probably a bit more expensive than if you went out and bought the same ingredients yourself, but I think it can be a real sanity saver.
Of course, the co-ops and things like Yoshikei cater to Japanese taste so they might not work for you depending on what you like to cook and eat, but you might consider them.
Post a Comment