the past weekend wasn't so great, if i'm being honest. we went to visit old friends, but i very definitely got the cold shoulder. the friends we stayed with were as friendly as always, and another with whom we had occasionally met was lovely. but two friends with whom i was once very close, now seem to freeze me out. they have become close friends themselves, and that's great, but now i feel so hurt. add to that losing a friend about a couple years ago, and not knowing why, and not having any friends here in munakata, makes me believe that i'm just not likable. that there's something about me that at first makes me a friend, but the subject of scorn later on. i don't wanna meet people now, i just wanna stay home and be a recluse. *sigh* what's wrong with me??
8 comments:
Illahee,
I only know you from your blog, but on your blog you write as a warm, enthusiastic, humourous, adventerous, caring human being. I would tend to think that it was more smallness on the part of your former friends than anything on your part. Except that apparently you left them--geographically.
Living in a foreign country I think after a while people get very protective about themselves and friendships. You know, you make a friend and then they go back to their home country or their husband gets transfered and they go along too. Plus, the whole experience of living in a foreign culture seems to accelerate bonding and deepening of relationships--so left just the two of them, they perhaps cut out the third musketeer to self-protect and then just got really close. It was still cold and unfeeling of them to "freeze you out."
I'd concentrate on the old friends that did receive you warmly and welcomed you back into the fold. Don't let the two that played elementary school girl games with you bother you.
You are a fantastic mother, you are a loving wife and you are an interesting individual--otherwise, why would I read your blog? (grin)
Seriously, sick kids, endless housework, living in the margins where the simpliest tasks are things that you have to convince yourself to struggle through--convince yourself that YES you can communicate and get your point across etc. etc. It's hard. If you are feeling down, take the time to discover what makes you happy, do something you enjoy. Even if it is just swearing off housework for a day or two. But be gentle on yourself--there's enough out there in the world to beat you up without you taking shots at yourself!
Hang in there!
Laura
Like Laura I only know you through your blog but I think you are great, caring and a very lovable person!
While it is hard, sometimes people are not worth having as friends (for example the two that gave you the cold shoulder) you are better off surronding yourself with those that love you and care about you! Even if that means feeling like you are friendless for awhile (Even though you won`t be)
Definitely surround yourself with people that treat you right, you deserve it!
Laura has much better advice than me! So go back and read her comment again!!!
I hope things improve soon!!!! But rest assured, there is nothing wrong with you!
(((Hugs))) If you ever and I do mean *ever* wanna talk with someone. Doesn't matter, whether it be a "let off some steam type chat" Or a, "let's dish about MIL's type chat." Or, if you wanna just chat about, I don't know, the weather?, ha ha ha. Whatever, whenever, you wanna talk, you need a friend, or an ear to listen. I'm your girl! I have Skype, not sure if you also have it. But if you want, I'll call you, if you need me. Just send me an email whenever you feel like talking. I really am here, okay?! I am, I am! : )
I hope you are feeling better now about all this. It's not you. It's them. I totally agree with Laura and Lulu. For what it's worth I think you are a wonderful person, and wished we lived closer so we could hang out in real life.
*hugs* I can't say much else, because Laura, Lulu and Sherry have said everything just about perfectly!
But as you can see from our comments, there are people who think you are friend worthy!!! You seem like such a fun, caring and loving person, and I bet there are people out there waiting to be your friends!
Keep your chin up, and don't get yourself down by people who aren't worth it.
I agree with what every said here!!!
I hope if I'm ever in Fukuoka that you would meet up with me for a Mr. Donuts! I'd love to play with your kids too!!
I feel its hard to make friends as well.. it takes me a while to "warm up" to people since I'm a little shy and sometimes I can never think about what to talk about.
I seem to have a lot of friendships which are great but then feel stiffling.. maybe its my fault, but I feel espicially in Japan, very isolated and lonely. I'm sure with everything that is going on now, its really hard to stay positive and genki 24/7.
Anyways sorry if this isn't much help... but I hope you see from all the support here you have a lot of people who like and are supporting you!
Maybe you should just ask them about it? Might be a little bit out of your comfort zone but it will make them realise that you care enough about your friendship with them to do something about it. That is if you do want to try and maintain a friendship with them. If you don't then it is a moot point. Did you ever ask the friend you "lost" about what the problem was? Maybe he or she thought you didn't care about their friendship because you didn't try and find out what the problem was?
Whatever you decide to do, you do deserve better than to be "frozen out" by these people and it is childish that they felt the need to do that when they don't see you all the time.
We're going thru the same things aren 't we? Hang in there! It will get better, Sorry your feelings got hurt, some people just don't think do they?
Dee
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